rying not to look like I’m rushin’ across to the bus stop, I rush across the road to the bus stop. When I get within about ten meters I slow to a casual stroll. “Hi Rose, how are you?” She doesn’t seem to hear me. I clear my throat and in a more authoritative voice I repeat myself. Still nothin’. I reach out and touch her on the shoulder. She jumps like I’ve scared her, spins where she’s sitting, and moves to away from me.
“Fuck you don’t take a hint do you.”
“What’s goin’ on.”
“Well… This is what’s known as the cold shoulder.”
“But I didn’t do anything. Did I?” Oh shit, she can read my mind. She knows about dreams. Oh fuck I’ve got an appointment with Anne later what if she knows, maybe I shouldn’t go.
“You didn’t do anything…”
“What is it that you wanted me to do then?”
“It’s not what you did or didn’t do. It’s just a bad time.”
“A bad time for what?”
“I just started dating this new guy and I wanna see if it’s gonna be work out.”
“I don’t care I said I didn’t want us to date, just to talk and maybe be friends.”
“Well my boyfriend doesn’t seem to like you.”
“That’s fine I can be your friend with out being his.”
“He doesn’t like that.”
“Well maybe he needs to get over himself. He doesn’t own you.”
“Actually… We just have a very complicated relationship.”
“So you just won’t be my friend at all? He’s not here. Why can’t we be friends when he’s not around?”
“That’s right, not at all. No secrets he says he’s gonna be watching.” This guy sounds so controllin’. I hate guys like that and now it’s affecting me personally. Just lucky hes not here I’d do something she’d defiantly hate me for. Better quite while I have a chance of being friends in the future. I put my ear buds in and start making a very angry play-list (I find it calms me). Bus comes and I ride it to the stop closest to the Bunker.
#
“Hey Mac, you still here?”
“Yeah couple more hours. Pullin’ a triple, I got mouths to feed.” I give the nod to the girls on the front of store. Never seen ’em before but that’s not unusual, we blow though front of store staff faster than a cheap trick. I tend not to memorise their names until their second week. I head to the locker room and clock in. I stow my gun, knife and hoodie in the safe provided. From there I head to the kitchen, grab a AR console headset, and put on a fresh pot of coffee. I’m gonna need it. I watch as the viscus gloop congeals at the bottom of the pot from the vat, lost in my thoughts of what happened this mornin’. On to the boilin’ water, give it a stir, poor a cup, and put it on the hot plate.
“Where’d ya wan me chief?” I say to the manager.
“You can saddle up on the grill over there.” I settle in fire up the grill and grab the utensils. When the heat comes up I put on my headset jack in and bring the AR console online. It starts placin’ work orders into my queue. I start slow and then start working up a rhythm throwin’ in some Teppanyaki moves that Shijo has been teachin’ me in our down time.
Before long Wanda comes to my station. “It’s time for that checkup we talked about.” I flip my last burger, put my AR console into break mode drop the headset around my neck, and jack out. I grab my cup and head out behind Wanda.
“You wanna coffee Wanda.”
“Sure but with an extra squirt.” I grab another takeaway cup and poor another while I top mine off. On the way passed the coffee vat I put some more gloop in Wanda’s.
“You’re such a gentleman Ewan.” She says as I hand her the coffee. “We should start an appreciation group, We could call it Friends of Ewan or FoE for short.”
“You’d be the only member.”
“Oh common, I though that was a good one. Foe, like men and women are natural foes.”
“Yeah. Well then you’ve got plenty of company.”
“That doesn’t sound good. Anything you wanna talk to auntie Wanda about while I check your wounds?”
“Sure… Why not? I got this friend. Well I had this friend until recently…”
“Not Geanie? ‘Cause I’ll give her a piece of my mind…”
“No not Geanie. You don’t know her.”
“Okay.”
“Anyway, she tells me this mornin’ that we can’t be friends or even have anything to do do with her.”
“That’s fucked. Did she say why?”
“You’re tellin’ me. Yeah, her boyfriend doesn’t want her talking to me. She even tried to ignore me and she pulled away from me when I touched her to get her attention. She says her boyfriend is watchin’ her.”
“Sounds like she’s in a bad relationship.”
“She says it’s a new relationship and she wants to see where it’s goin’. Then she says it’s complicated like I’m stupid or somethin’.”
“Those stitches are holdin’ fine, let’s look at your head. Well it sounds like she may have some self-esteem issues or a very particular fetish.” She says as she stats to unwrap the bandage from my head.
“Fetish? Who actually wants to be in that sort of relationship?” She finishes taking off the bandage and starts pealing back the gauss and waddin’.
“Well apart from those with self-esteem issues who just don’t think there worth all that bein’ treated good stuff. I don’t think that’s her, ’cause she sounds like she’s controllin’ the pace of things.”
“What? He sounds more controllin’ than her.” She starts squirtin’ some liquid in my head wound so I lean forward to let the excess flow on the ground instead of down my back.
“The way it sounds she could end the relationship but she’s feeling out where it’s goin’. So it’s actually her letting this happen she sound like she is in the position of power like a sub/dom arrangement.”
“So you think she likes the way this dick treats her?”
“Well did she complain?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Then I’d say she’s probably testing the water to see if this is something that makes sense to her. She did say that she wanted to see where it goes. You might be still in with chance, if it don’t work out.”
“I don’t need to be in with a chance. I just want to be friends, although datin’ her’d be awesome, I could talk to her for hours.”
“And that why we love you. You’re not like the rest of them. Your not just lookin’ for a quick fuck.” I feel a pressure like a gun against my head and WHACK! Feels like someone shot something heavy against my head.
“Oh! FUCK! What was that?”
“Oh shit. Late warning I have to put in an extra dermal staple. You’ve tore the wound further. What did you get up to after here.”
“That probably happened when Franky almost blew us up!”
“You really need to take stock of your friends. They’re gonna get you killed.”
“That’ll be easy. Zero. Done.”
“What about Franky?”
“He’s tried to blow me up.”
“What about me?”
“I’m not going to presume.”
“Well count me in.” Just then the garage door opens and the delivery car drives in. “How about Geanie?”
“Okay one.” Geanie jumps down from the cockpit. “I know I’d like to be friends but I don’t know how she feels.”
“You can be a friend to people even if they’re not friends with you.” Geamie starts headin’ for the back door. “You know… If you want to know something it’s only a question away? Hey Geanie!” Geanie stops, spins on he heal, sees who’s hollerin’, and cocks her head to the side.
“What’s happ’nen?”
“Not much… I was just talkin’ to Ewan and he wanted to ask ya somethin’.” She nudges me with her elbow like we were on the playground callin’ out girls to ask to the school dance.
“Umm…” I look at my feet like their gonna give me some inspiration. “I was wonderin’ if you considered us friend?”
“Sure… I like your company, you don’t judge, and we can have a deep conversation without it getting weird. I doesn’t hurt that your not bad lookin’ either.”
“Fine! Two then.” I say to Wanda “Three if you count Rose, or would it be two and a half?”
“Let’s just make a rule now… No halves, we’ll just round up.” Then Wanda turns to Geanie, who’s face is looking a little confused. “I’m starting a friends of Ewan — Ewan appreciation group. So we’re taking stock of all his friends.”
“That’s a brilliant idea. We need to celebrate the good ones. Maybe we could form a get Ewan a girlfriend committee.” I roll my eyes. Then Geanie turns to me and asks “Are you still having problems with that Rose’s boyfriend?”
“She just blew him off at the bus stop today.” Wanda said.
“Way to go Ewan! Getting your freak on!”
“No that’s not what happened!” I protest.
“No that’s not was I meant. She told him to leave her alone.”
“Just let me at her I’ll snap her like a toothpick! Nobody treats my friend like that!” Geanie was really mad. She was serious. She started acting out some of the things she was imaginin’ doing to Rose.
“Calm down! It’s a lot more complicated than that. I’ll explain later.” Wanda said. Trying to stop Geanie from totally losin’ her shit all together.
Just then an announcement came over the loud speakers in the garage “Will Ewan O’Ahern please return to his station? Your break is over.”
“Okay just let me bandage your head back up and you’re off.”
“I’ll go on break and we can work some stuff out.” Geanie says and gives me a wink. I shake my head, get up, and head back to my station. As I close the back door I hear Geanie say. “Foe? Who came up with that?”
I jack back into my station and take it off break. It’s real hard to get back into the swing of things, thinkin’ about what those two are up to. It’s a nice feeling though to know someone cares. And thinkin’ about Rose and the appointment I have with Anne later. Maybe I’ll go and have a coffee at a certain diner before my appointment, surely she wont make a scene.
The rest of the shift went by slow and a little strange. At one point Wanda came in and measured my height and around my waist with a tape measure. Later Geanie came in and tasted my coffee and then tried to tickle me but although I am ticklish I can keep a straight face. I dread what they’re up to but it’s a nice feelin’ to be noticed and it passes the time ’cause before I know it the shift ends.
I head to the change room, have a shower and get dressed. I leave my gun in the safe until I find a good way to smuggle it past border control. I mean a knifes one thin’ but a gun they’ll have a serious frown feast about. On my way out the door I yell. “Laters bitches!”
#
I walk to the bus stop. I get there an’ I’m the only one there, I put my buds in an’ listen to some upbeat tunes, keep my head down and hope some crazy don’t wanna take it off before the bus comes.
I see a car, it stands out ’cause of it’s pristine, black paint job you can see your reflection in and tinted windows so dark you literally can’t see through. I was parked out the front of BB’s and left when I come out and now it’s here again. I’m paranoid, I’m sane enough to know that but this coincidence is really messin’ with my paranoia.I try not to think about it as I watch the tail-lights turn just up the block, I could really get hung up on that and lose acouple of hours just worrin’ about it. I only have to wait a few minutes and the bus comes but just as the bus is pullin’ up the car comes back around the corner. I get up onto the bus, keepin’ my eyes on the car as I do. I swipe my pass and the door of the car starts to open. I walk to my seat and I notice it’s the crazy fuck from the diner, Rose’s boyfriend. I sit in my seat an’ turn to look at him. He sees me an’ pulls the cannon he had at the diner, so I smile and flip ‘im the bird. He squeezes off a couple of rounds that crack against the glass leaving scuff marks as the bus drives off.
The bus pulls away and I see Rose’s boyfriend replace his AR’s and drive off. All the way to the border check-point I check to see if he’s following. Confident that he’s not I slouch down in my seat and play on my phone with my play-lists and watch what others are doin’.
It’s not long before we arrive at the border check point. Everyone gets off the Zone bus to make the twenty meter walk to the Mod bus waiting on the other side. At about the middle we are subject to a scan. My knife always gets caught but I can show my Bunker Burgers employee card and claim tools of the trade. They just mark on my visitor pass that I’m carryin’ it and let me through. I really don’t know how people get guns through but I’m gonna have to find out. Some guy beside me says “So that shit really works?”
“Of course it does ’cause it’s true.”
“But the employee card said Bunker Burgers. They don’t even have outlets in the Moderate Zone.”
“Yeah they do but in the Mod their called ‘La Mode’.”
“Really? And they bring in labour from the Zone? Stealing Mod jobs? You should be disgusted.”
“Listen here you elitist, commie, bigoted, fuck. What do you have against us Zoners?”
“You’re all filthy, illegal, criminals. The Zone is a blight on this city and it wouldn’t surprise me if you intend on holding someone up, stabbing someone or both.” For an ignorant fuck he was right on the money with his personal assessment ’cause all I wanna do now is stab this fucker. If only to see if he bleed red or if he just oozes machine oil like the hate repeating robot that he seems to be. I want to real bad and I’m grippin’ the handle of my knife so hard that my fingers hurt and clenching my teeth so hard that at any second they’ll give under the pressure and shatter in my mouth. If I did I will certainly die, there are so many soldiers with assault weapons, just means I’d have to make it count. As I weigh up my life for his we arrive at the bus. Now’s the time if ever there was a right time to act it’d be now. Stab each of his kidneys and then one last one into his spine as high up as possible. He might live but his quality of life’d be fucked. I start to pull the life from my pocket and I hear Anne’s voice in my ear “Do you think he would learn anything?” I look around but she’s not there.
“No he wouldn’t.” I say.
“What?”
“Fuck off. Not talkin’ to you.”
“Crazy…” Oh dude you should quit while you’re ahead, you were just saved by a voice in my head, if only you knew you’d be celebratin’ crazy.
#
I get off the bus near the diner that Rose works at and I walk by a couple of times before I build up the courage to go in. The same woman who was behind the counter was there again this time. “You decided to come in love?”
“Wha…?”
“I saw you walk past a few times. I was thinking you weren’t gonna come in.”
“Yeah. Just a lot on my mind.”
“Did you wanna see Rose again love?”
“She still here?”
“Well the managers got her out back trying to convince her to pull a double.”
“Nah! I just want a coffee while I wait for my appointment.”
“Okay, suit yourself love. I just thought you and her had something going on because she doesn’t get visitors. Then when her boyfriend turned up… phwoof. Intense.” She grabbed a cup and brought it to the booth with the pot of coffee while we talked.
“Yeah, can’t be friends ’cause of that…” I thought better of swearing. “Joker. She told me this mornin’ to stay away.”
“And I guess that’s why you’re here then love. Just staying away?” She gave me a wink.
“I had to come into the Mod for my appointment and I left straight from work. I had to kill some time. I felt a bit down so I came to a happy place.”
“The uniform picks up most patron. And then there’s these.” She pushes up her breasts. I feel my face heatin’ up, it must be turnin’ bright red.
“Ah… Well…”
“It’s okay love, you’re just here for the articles.” She begins to laugh. I must have a puzzled look on my face ’cause she says. “Don’t worry love. It’s an old joke. I’m just showing my age.” She must’ve been about fifty or so if I had to guess. “I’ll leave you be with your coffee and your thoughts then, will I love?” She didn’t sound like she meant it. She might have been wanting to keep talkin’ or she might be prompting for a tip. This is so hard. Why can’t people just say what they mean?
“You could stay if you like.” She stops getting up and just sits back down. We sit for a bit just looking at the table between us. I imagine what it would be like to be held by her. Nothin’ sexual just to be held and comforted and to just cry into her soft inviting bosom. I just think about it sometimes just being held and comforted while I just cry for no particular reason.
“I thought I told you to leave me alone!” The words come from over at the counter. I turn my head a little until I can see Rose out of the corner of my eye. A little blurry, I must be tearing up. I wipe my eyes and snort back that welling feeling, you feel in the back of your nose when your about to cry, as I turn to face her. I grab my cup with both hands trying to feel the hot liquid burning through it. I grit my teeth and try to think of something smart to say. I’m just about to say something when…
“Girrrl. He just came by to visit me. He didn’t even know you’d still be here. Not every thing’s about you girl. I don’t think he got enough of these puppies the first time.” She pushes up her bust again and wiggles it from side to side. “You’ve got a fella. How ’bout you give us single girls a break and not chase off the good looking guys?” She gives me a wink. “You two have obviously had some sort of falling out and I’m sorry but you can’t go running off paying customers. This is a place of business.”
“Sorry Maira. I guess I wasn’t even supposed to be here ‘cept Yevhen is short some workers” She goes about her business. We go back to our, what I guess is an awkward silence, I mouth thank you to Maira.
“That’s okay love. Just consider coming to see me more often. Not out of some misguided repayment of a favour though. Just if you would like to.” I though for a moment, looked at the clock and noticed it was almost time for Anne.
“Sure. I’d like that but right now I have to go.”
“Oh, yeah you’re appointment. I’ll get you a to-go cup for you’re coffee.”
“Never mind.” I put a five ten on the table. “Keep the change.”
“Thanks love.” She leans across the table showing a full view of her cleavage and kisses me on the forehead. “See you ’round love.”
“Thanks for everything. I’ll see you next time.” This making friends thing is easy as. Anne’ll be pleased.
#
Sitting in Anne’s waiting room is okay. She likes to call it an ant tea room but I don’t get it. Anyway the room is kinda bland and makes you think of nothingness. The room is blank it has white walls with no art, white ceilin’, white floor, and even the chairs are white. I can just crank the tunes to max and let my ears bleed while I zone out and think of one thing at a time instead of being bombarded with a hundred million parallel thoughts at once. I think about that man on the bus, about how close I came to killing myself. I can think about what I do about how Rose is bein’ toward me and how much her boy-friend wants to kill me, he actually shot at me this time, fuck. Think about Wanda’s friends of Ewan, foe thing and why the fuck do I keep making friends with women? I should just really get my shit together before she gets in there and starts messing with everythin’.
Some old dude opens the door and I see Anne behind him. I take my ear-buds and quickly stow my phone. “So you think she’ll take me back doc?”
“We will have to wait and see mister Wedell and I’m not a doctor.”
“Please call me Stan. I didn’t even like her I don’t know what came over me. She’s gotta take me back I can’t live without her.”
“Okay mister Wedell. We’ll talk about that next time.” He leans in and she ducks his kiss. “It’s that sort of thing that we’re trying to work on. Now, how about you go and practice not doing that with people who aren’t your wife?” She sees him to the door of the waiting room.
“Okay. Ewan. Oh my god! What happened to your head?”
“From what I can work out I think I got hit by a car.”
“How? When?”
“After I left here. I got jumped by some kids. For my wallet. I got it back but when I bent to pick it up I got shoved into traffic.”
“Oh my god. Are you okay? Have you been checked out?”
“Yeah some Mod docs checked me out until my pass ran out and Wanda has checked it twice now.”
“…Here take a seat… That’s good. So apart from head wound how has your day been since we saw each other last?”
“I’ve been dumped in a ditch, almost blown up, shot in the arm, found out I had a few real friends, almost got blown up again by one of those friend, got a temporary room mate, cried myself to sleep, got dumped by Rose as a friend, did a shift at BB’s, found I had another friend, got shot at, almost suicided by cop, met a nice lady who helped me with a run in with Rose, and then I came here. How about you? How was your day?” I left out the dream thing. She must already think I’m weird.
“Oh my… Well, the most frantic I’ve been since I saw you yesterday is just now writing down your day. My life is so quiet compared to yours. I guess that’s why I’m putting on such a spread and you keep in shape.”
“Well the the Zone is definitely a workout. What are you talking about? Your not putting on a spread.”
“You wouldn’t say that if you saw me naked.” Oh, there goes my mind totally blown. I’m off on a tangent with mental images. “But we’re not here to talk about me. Where do we start with your day? How about we talk about the suicidal thoughts?”
“Sure I was in no-man’s-land…”
“What’s no-man’s-land?”
“Oh it’s a twenty meter exclusion zone between the Mod and the Zone, they don’t want us getting too close, where we need to change buses and get scanned.”
“That’s… That’s… I’m speechless. It’s barbaric.”
“That’s just how it is. Civilisation stops at the border of the Mod. You must have lived a sheltered life.”
“I must have.” She stops makin’ eye contact with me and normally that would go unnoticed but she is very conscious of makin’ eye contact so I think there’s somethin’ wrong.
“I envy you. I’d love to unsee the things I’ve seen. To not be touched by violence.” I hope it was guilt she was showin’ and that my words help.
“Sorry, how unprofessional of me. This is your session and I am getting us off track. Okay, back to no-man’s-land and suicidal thoughts.”
“You saved me you know.”
“Did I? From what?”
“From getting killed. I was all about to knife this ignorant, bigot, fuck and I heard your voice say is he worth getting yourself killed over? Would he learn his lesson? And I decided you where right I guess he’s not.”
“So what made you want to kill him?”
“He was mouthin’ off about Zoners and my blood just started boilin’ and all I wanted to do was kill him.”
“We really need to work on that.” She starts scribbling down more notes. “Tell me about what is happening with… Rose? Is it?”
“Well that turned into a shit feast. First she’s my friend. Then her boy-friend is a tool, treats her horrible, I stand up for her, He tries to soot me. Then she ignores me like I’m not even there. So of course I push a confrontation. she tells me to get fucked, she wants to see where her fucked up relationship is going. I’m devo, so I go to work in a shit mood. After work I get stalked by her crazy boy-friend and he tries to kill me with that fuckin’ cannon he totes ’round. I go to that diner before comin’ here, fuck knows why, She goes off and one of her co-workers comes to my aid and shuts her up. So all-in-all fucked up experiment this makin’ friends eh?”
“It is not an experiment. I am sorry that it has not worked out for you but that is the nature of life things don’t always work out. So we focus on the friends that are working out.”
“Well that’s the thing isn’t it? I’ve had a taste I’m on the hook I want to be friends so bad it hurts knowing that we’re not. I guess that’s why I went to her work, even though I knew she’d most likely be off work.”
“Oh, that is bad. If a relationship is bad or toxic and this one sounds like it is you need to distance yourself from it. Hang on I think I’m getting confused if she wasn’t at work how did you have a confrontation with her and her co-worker?”
“Yeah, when I got there apparently she was pullin’ a double.”
“So given that pursuing this is detrimental to your life… What are you going to do?”
“I dunno. I have so few friends that I think I should just stay the course.”
“I really don’t think that’s wise but it is your choice. Why don’t we take stock of your friend?”
“Friend of Ewan.” I mutter.
“They’re not you foe nor, I’m sure, are they faux. If that’s what what that statement means.” I’m tempted to mess with her and say that I was unaware of that and thank her for bringin’ it to my attention.
“Nah! It’s just something Wanda said. I think it is just her joking. She stating a Ewan appreciation club because I’m different to other guys.”
“That is nice.” Can you sound anymore condescendin’. “So who is Wanda?”
“She’s a Vet who has been carin’ for my wounds.”
“You had a veterinarian look after your wounds! Aren’t there doctors in the Zone?”
“No! That’s what I thought when I first met her but she’s actually a Veteran, a combat medic from the corp wars she has a doc wagon in the car-park out the back of BB’s. She’s got everythin’ she needs in that wagon she even whacked a staple in my head today.”
“Ouch! The staple I mean. Okay a good friend to have.”
“So Wanda is one.” She makes notes. “Keep going.”
“I guess next would be Geanie, we hang out a lot at work. She said I was her work husband.”
“So you’re close. Girl-friend possibility?”
“Nah! She’s got a girl-friend. She’s done the boy-friend thing and she’s just not down with it. I don’t blame her most guys are dicks, only want one thing.”
“Don’t we know it?” I guess that was rhetorical ’cause she followed up with. “Sorry. Keep going.” More notes.
“Then I think maybe Franky, I’ve known him since I moved to the Zone. I’m not sure if we count as friends ’cause we just got a commercial connection mostly. He’s a fixer if you got it or need it he is the middle man that makes the trades happen.”
“So what is ‘it’?” Oh, they’re back, the air quotes.
“Anythin’. You name it stuff, drugs, weapons, people, jobs. He’s got his finger on the pulse.”
“But your not sure if you’re friends?”
“He almost blew me up. I can still feel the heat on the back of my neck and I got the bruises to prove it. ‘Though he’s surfin’ my couch now. And I guess it’s like making friends with anyone who you pay or gets paid as part of the relationship. It’s like bein’ friends with…”
“A prostitute?”
“I was gonna say you but sure your example works to.” She blushes.
“But you don’t pay me.”
“But you do get paid. This appointment isn’t free, is it?”
“Well no, I guess not, but I do think of us as friends. You don’t?”
“We do nothing outside this office. You’re bein’ paid to be here. I will always be paranoid of your motivations.”
“I Can see how you might think that…”
“Plus we just talk about me. We have nothing in common.”
“That is what we have in common. You.”
“Wish we didn’t. I’m the only one I can’t seem to push away.”
“We’re getting off track. So if we count me and I wish you would we’re up to four.” Yeah, change the subject just when we get to the crux of the problem. She just doesn’t want to talk about the solution.
“Sure. Four.” I’ve had enough of this game. I’m on the slide. I gotta break up this party before things get out of hand. I live outside this world she is tryin’ to help me into. I should just change my address and be done with all this.
“What about the nice lady you met today at the diner?”
“What about her she was nice, she was a lady, and she help me out of a jam. It don’t make us friends.”
“Okay. How about we break for a few moments.”
“Break for as long as you like!”
“I might just step out while you collect your thoughts.” She leaves the room and as soon as she does I’m up rummaging through her notes and taking photos. I couldn’t help but notice a heading Notes for Rose So I read a bit. It says stuff like she’s losing him, boy-friend needs to back-off a bit, and he’s still hooked on her. What the fuck? Why does she have notes like that? Does she know Rose? Why would she pretend she didn’t? There’s some real strange shit going on. I see the picture of the man is on the floor in front of the filing cabinet, it’s face up and the glass is broken, like something stabbed him in the face the cracks make it look like he is caught in a web, I snap a photo as the door opens. “…I was wondering if you would like a coff… What are you doing?!”
“I… It… It was already broken…”
“What are you taking photos of?” I remember the notes.
“How do you know Rose?” I say pointing at her notes.
“You’ve been reading my notes?”
“How do you know her? Have you been spying on me? Has she?” My paranoia is beginning to lap at the edges of my consciousness Like a flame at the edges of some tinder dry wood. I try to shake it off. It keeps creeping. They’re watching me, keeping track of me when I’m not here. Using Rose. How far? How deep does this go? I need to get out of here. I can’t think. I pull out my knife. “Get OUT of my WAY!”
“It’s not what you think.”
“REALLY! What do I think?! You’re the psych. You’re supposed to be helping!” I’m losing it. I try to shake it out of my head but it’s like little bursts of static attacking me. It’s some kind of mind altering signal. I gotta get out. I lunge at Anne with the knife causing her to move enough to get outa the doorway. I bolt through.
“Come back Ewan. We can talk about this. I can explain.” I burst out of the waiting room and into the busy hall. Everyone staring at me. I wave the knife at them and they backup. I make my way to the stairs. I push through the door to the stairwell and start running down the stairs two at a time I leap the last five steps to the landing of each set of stairs until I reach the ground floor.
#
I burst through the fire door and out onto the streets like a wild animal freed from it’s tormentors. I’ve got to get to the Zone before she or some Mod zombie calls the cops. I hit the stream of pedestrians so hard I start an uncontrollable domino display to rival the masters. I don’t even stop to see the beauty I the chaos that I have wrought on the mundane populace of the Mod. I just grip my knife hilt so hard that my knuckles are turnin’ white. People are yellin’ and complainin’ but I don’t care I just need to get out of here now. I barge past the people I can and dodge around the ones I can’t budge. I can hear people screamin’ in pain and anger but I don’t care.
I get to the corner and I can see the bus has just stopped. Finding a new found energy and a focus to rival a pro-athlete, with the goals in sight, I grit my teeth for one last lunge at the finish line. I hurdle boxes stacked on the pavement that are being unloaded, slide under a table being carried to a car, and crash through two teens makin’ out. I get to the bus just as the doors are closing and the bus is pullin’ away. I manage to get my arm through the door so it clamps shut on my upper arm. I start yellin’ through the gap in the door to stop and start bangin’ on the window. I hear others on the bus yellin’ at the driver and about half a block later he finally stops and lets me on.
Finally on the bus I curl-up on the seat across from the door clutchin’ the knife in my fist. I hear a familiar voice but I don’t hear what their sayin’ until they squat in front of me right in the middle of where I’m starin’. It’s Maira, what is she doin’ here? “You’re gonna hurt yourself with that. How about you let mammy Maira hold it for you, love?” I wish she could I wish she could hold me and take away all the pain, self loathin’, and fear. I can’t let my guard down.
“Get the fuck away from me! You’re fuckin’ one of them! I can’t trust fuckin’ you or them! Fuck!”
“I’m not love. I’m not. I don’t know who they are.”
“You do. It’s Rose an’ Anne an’ Rose’s fucked up boy-friend.”
“Oh dear what are they doin’ to ya?” She moves slowly closer. The static burst start and I can’t think straight. I shake by head trying to clear it. I shiver uncontrollably.
“I don’t know! Their spies! Some sort of mind control! GET BACK!” I hold the knife out in my fist, tightenin’ my grip, pointin’ it at her eye and twistin’ it slowly anti-clockwise like I’ve stuck it in and I’m twistin’ it.
“Okay, sorry I just want to give you a hug, love. You look like you need one.”
“That’s what she told you to say! She knows what I want and she told you!”
“Who? No one has told me anything.”
“Anne! She told you I needed a mammy ’cause I lost my mammy and da. That’s your in. She thinks she knows me. You can tell her if I see her again I’ll kill her!”
“I don’t know any Anne and I didn’t know you lost your parents until just now. I am sorry to hear that love.”
“Okay we’re at the border ladies and gentlemen. Get off my damn bus.” The bus driver said.
“Common love, if you get off this bus like this you’re likely to get shot.”
“I just don’t care anymore.”
“Please love, it’s only a little further, you can do it.”
“It’s too hard. Why even try, they’ll do it for me.”
“I’ll take care of you, love. Just try.” We get down from the bus tears startin’ to stream down. She puts one arm ’round my shoulders and with the other she pulls my arm ’round her waist. We start to lumber awkwardly toward the check point. They don’t scan you on the way out ’cause they really don’t give a fuck what goes into the Zone they’re more concerned with what comes out.
We hand over our passes. “Hey! Cougar mama! If you get sick of the cry-baby I can show you a good time!” Maira just ignores him and clutches my arm tighter and squeezes me closer as I try to tear free to kill the fucker.
“Just a little further…” She whispers to me and kisses the side of my head. We get through the gates on the other-side and onto the other bus. I break free and find another seat to hold up on. “I wish you would let me in.” She scribbles in a notebook and tears out the page. “Here’s my number and address if you ever need anything. I’m here for you love.”
I don’t say anythin’ for the rest of the trip. I get off of at Bunker Burgers, stuffing the not in my pocket. Now I’m in the Zone I can carry my gun and god help anyone who fucks with me. I go inside.
#
Somewhere between the bus and the air-lock that Shields BB’s from the Zone I slip into a fugue state. I almost don’t get out my employee card and nearly get messed ’cause of the knife. Mac says something ’cause I see his lips move. Maybe others say stuff I don’t see ’em or don’t remember. I go to the locker and get my gun. I think Geanie was there but I think she flashed her tits so maybe I was dreamin’. I walked out and to the air-lock. I think I say somthin’ to Wanda and I think she lets me push her out of my way, ’cause there’s no way I could actually do it for real, maybe I waved my gun. I leave and head for the bus-stop.
Drop caps courtesy of JESSICA HISCHE
Ewan – Ch4 Yet Another Day (First Draft) by Scott Boyle is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
f the places I’ve been in my life, I’d have to say the attic is by far the creepiest. What is it about attics? Is it the unchecked spider webs or the thick layers of dust everywhere? The lighting is a bit hit and miss on account of the bare bulb, bad wiring, and shadows being cast by all the strange things being stored up there.
ld Ben stood out on the front porch of his shack, packing his pipe, and watching the sunset. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes and flying over the wall of his graveyard to live again. He drew a deep breath, savoured the acrid smell of the slow rotting corpses littering the yard. He’d lived there for at least two decades and had worked there for longer than he remembered. He moved to the graveyard when Gretta had passed and he brought her to her final resting place here and never left.
oices… Muffled… Arguing… Darkness… I open my eyes. Darkness still. I raise my hands. They feel like my hands are wrapped. I put them against my eyes but I cant feel them on my face. My fingers are poking out of my hand wraps so I touch my eyes with my finger tips. Bandages? I’ve had eye surgery? I didn’t have any problems with my eyes. Why do I have bandages on my hands? I hear someone scream and somethin’ made of glass shatter. Maybe a glass? I try to get up and a wave of dull pain washes over my body. “Don’t try to move.” The voice startles me.
alking across to the stop I see Rose standing there. This is all I need. I stop. “Fuck off Rose! Two faced whore!” I want to say more but don’t want to sound anymore like a petulant child.
he door to my apartment sticks a bit but I just have to throw my shoulder into it and it generally gives. There’s only been one time I can remember that I couldn’t get in and I had to try and convince my neighbour that I really wasn’t able to enter my apartment and get them to let me try climbing across from there balcony.
utside is such a scary place to be so many people so much space. At least it had started to rain. I pull up my hoodie. I push off from the doorway into the river of people to be swept along to the next fork in my journey. The Mod is a whole different place to the Zone. For one, street vendor food smells appealing, roasting nuts, hot-dogs made of meat not some soy derivative. And another thing, people smell different, for the most part, there isn’t that overwhelming stench of sweat and body oder. Oh shit, I wonder if I smell like that, What must Anne and Rose think? I’d love to stay in the Mod but I can’t afford it and they have zero tolerance for vagrants, they just get dumped across the boarder in the Zone. I stop and get a meat burger, I try to at least get one each time I come to the Mod, I’m loathed to get rid of the this real coffee taste in my mouth but real meat is a close second in flavors you just don’t get very often. This gets me thinkin’ what would Droners be eating that’s better than this? Damn it I should have taken Anne up on her wanting to go to the Zone I coulda traded for a trip See where the Droners live. Nah! It’d never happen it’s too tightly controlled I’d never get in. Might’ve bin cool though. Just as I’m puttin’ my wallet back I get bumped in the back, I grab my knife and my my burger and get on after the little snitch. I push and barge, it takes all my effort to keep up. They look small and agile maybe a young boy or even a girl. The hood gets knocked off and confirms my suspicion, long bright orange hair in pig-tails. I lunge at her and grab one of her pig-tails with my knife hand but it cuts most of it off and I’m left with a handful of hair but the jerk to her head causes her to slow a little. I lunge again and manage this time to get my knife arm around her. She screams out. I must have stuck her a bit with my knife. I lean in close to her ear pressing myself against her and breathing heavy I say “drop my wallet bitch or I’ll fillet you like a fish.” I’ve never filleted a fish or even know how to do it but I heard someone say it once before and it just sounded cool. She must have been one cold bitch ’cause without a word she released her grip on the wallet letting it fall in a puddle. I pushed her away. Keeping my knife between me and her I bent to pick it up. No sooner had I grabbed hold of it and someone, who must have been running full tilt, shoved me from behind into traffic.
he just keeps on droning on. I’m really not listening. At first I just look at her lips, a trick I’ve picked up to avoid eye contact without letting on that I’m not listening. Every now and then I look around her office to show I’m still conscious. The photos have moved on her desk, only a couple of centimetres, enough to be noticeable. One has been moved to the filing cabinet behind her chair facing slightly away from where she would sit if she were at her desk. The photo is kind of an off brown colour of an older man in olden style clothing and a stern look on his face. “Who’s the man?”
Literary Road 